Monday, August 18, 2008

AT THE WELL...marriage - building up your spouse

Today, I am joining my friends over AT THE WELL, as we pursue to be Titus 2 women. I hope you will also join in on the discussion over there. Today CINDY is our discussion leader. Cindy has led us in a great topic this week, "MARRIAGE - BUILDING UP YOUR SPOUSE".

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Most of us remember this childhood saying as a rebuke against name-calling bullies. It seemed to work at that time, but in reality, the saying is wrong. Words can and do inflict more pain than the biggest stick or the heaviest stone could ever cause. Cursing, mocking, blaming, insulting…we all know that this simple method of just saying a few well chosen words can manipulate and hurt people in ways we can't even imagine, especially those closest to us.

Words do hurt us...what we say, how we say it, what we mean by it, it all affects us and other people. Words have energy and power. Words can heal or maim; comfort or kill.

So how can we make sure that our words spoken to our spouse are those of encouragement? lifting up? And not tearing down?

C o n t r o l
y o u r
t o n g u e!
There is a couple that my husband and I are friends with. I enjoy spending time with the wife; shopping, going out for lunch and hanging out. My husband likes spending time with the husband; meeting for lunch or coffee in the morning. When the four of us get together, it always seems to be a bit awkward. The conversation that goes on between these married friends is not always uplifting. It starts out in a joking matter, but the comments usually take a twist to the point that we are not sure where the joke ends and the hurt begins. The put downs. The "I told you so's". The comparison to someone else. Have you ever been in a situation where the words of discord and discontent makes you feel uncomfortable. No matter how much you try to encourage and lift feel like you have failed miserably.
One of the best things I can do for our friends is lead by example

I need to make sure the words I speak TO my husband are uplifting and encouraging. And even beyond what I speak to him, what do I say ABOUT him? When I am having lunch with my girlfriend, do I speak ill of my husband or do I compliment him.

From time to time we all need a "girlfriend" that we girls can confide in and share our inner feelings. But can I alert you to the dangers of destruction that our words can do to our spouse, even in his absence. The negative words that we leave with our "confidants" will long linger even after we have found forgiveness with our mate.

CONTROLLING OUR TONGUE takes practice! At a young age, we practiced forming sounds and syllables and with 'practice' we mastered this thing we call SPEECH. The control of our tongue is something we need to practice.

Prov. 21:23
“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles”

Eph. 4:29
“ Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”


As I pursue to be more of a Titus 2 woman, I pray this prayer over the words I use when I speak to or speak of my mate...that every thing I say will be uplifting, encouraging and pleasing. That no corrupt word will come out of my mouth that would cause hurt and pain to him or anyone that may hear.

"Lord, help me to speak LIFE into my husband and not be one who
throws sticks and stones. Help me to give honor to the man You gave to me!"

Why not join me over AT THE WELL and see what the other ladies are saying about this subject.


lori said...

Your words touched me so much..just last week I was explaining to the kids how "sticks and stone hurt and so can words..." about how it takes much longer to make up for one hurtful comment than 10 wonderful ones...

What wisdom you bring with you to the well...thanks for joining us!!

Peggy said...

Blessing Laurie...excellent post not only for husbands but for anyone that should be controlling their tongues or words. How true your word are for what we share with others even in the absence of the person. I have not yet read the AT THE WELL but plan on doing just that...since I'm doing my Encouragement long distance and it's a safe distance, I'm sure I need it as much as your wise words.

I have been working on this since my Anniversary post on August 1st.
When I call and talk with him, my intent is to remain encouraging but my words do not remain that way. Sometimes there is anger and then hurt and tears but because I am paying for those calls from here, I would like the calls to be beneficial and not hurtful. After I hang up, I think of how I should have responded better in love and not engaged in the battle.

Yep, I definitely need to work on this and read what you beautifully married people are sharing! This is not "news" to me that God is telling us something...(lol)Thanks!
I really needed a visit and I appreciate your encouragement!

Denise said...

Thanks for the encouragement sweetie.

Joyfull said...

Fantastic post and encouragmeent to guard our words carefully and use them to build up. We have all been around couples like you shared and we can learn from that example to speak GOOD!

Anonymous said...

This is an awesome reminder for all couples!

boutcrazy said...

Laurie, great advice. We forget how much damage our words can be. I have to really guard what I first response is always to come back with some "smart remark" that gets a laugh..but I'm trying to learn to not say the first thing that comes to mind, hold my tongue and weigh the words before they are hard.

Jennifer said...

Good stuff! This is something that we need reminding of from time to time...we are all guilty of reacting, responding to hurts that others say to us, lashing out from our own pain...all the while, forgetting that we are doing the same damage to someone else that has been done to us.

Thanks for challenging me today to tell my hubby how much I appreciate him, love him, need him and lift him up today with my words and actions...we never know what might be going on that very minute with them and they might be needing an encouraging word from us.

Lauren @ Thingish Things said...

Spot on! When my husband and I were married, I came into it with a highly developed sense of sarcasm. We would tease and joke with each other, and I thought it was all in fun, but I found out later that a few of the things I said truly hurt my husband. Not to mention that it wasn't the best influence for others!

Thanks for stopping by my blog and saying hi!